Back to last nights dream. I remember being led in a great mass of people into a huge underground cavern. The people "herding" us were Lord Voldemort, Bellatrix, and a few other androgynous Death Eaters. *Don't laugh, in the dream it made sense* I remember the atmosphere of the area was silent panic. There was a moment when I realized that this was it. We were all going to die in there. I looked around for anyone I knew, any familiar face at all. The throng of people moved quickly about, most likely doing the same thing I was doing. I was upset. I didn't want to die yet. I felt that this wasn't the right time and started to panic.
Then I saw a boy I knew (he will not be named and even thought I have a crush on him, I don't know him very well.) I was so happy to see him, to see anyone I knew. He seemed pretty relieved too. I ran up to him and he grabbed my hand (it's what you do in a deadly situation like that). I asked him if he knew what was happening. He had the same notion that I did, that this was the end. He looked at me and confessed his slight attraction for me, and I for him. He smiled a beautiful smile (he has one of the best smiles around) and said "I like everything you do". A very simple line, but I felt instantly better. It was a sweet gesture at this morbid time, so I did what any ill-fated heroine would do, I kissed him. This dream was extremely detailed, I noticed that his lips were dry but still warm. It was an urgent but simple kiss.
I thought to myself, and knowing I faced inevitable death, I tried to calm down and prepare myself to die. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to tell you that this is a hard thing. I truly felt the emotional pain, I stood there and held myself as I reconciled with what was about to happen. I can't describe the feeling, but it was one of the most intense feelings I've ever had. This is what I'm trying to convey to you; last night I mentally and emotionally went through the experience of coming to face my own death and having to accept that. A muted version of those feelings still hang over me today.
Now that I was ready to die, something caught my eye. It was my younger brother. Although he is 16 now, in the dream he was back to his 4 year old self.
Obviously, I couldn't allow any harm come to my little brother, so my brain went into Super Hero Mode. I grabbed him and frantically looked for an escape. By now, the bad guys were starting to load people into this huge metal holding compartment. I noticed a small crack in the wall and we were able to slip out of the cavern. We laid on our stomach and looked back into the crack. Once everyone was contained, they turned a machine on and gas started filling the chamber. I could hear their banging on the walls until it slowly quieted down to nothing. I pulled Joey up and we ran out of there.
Now that I look back on it, I feel terrible that I didn't stop to help the others, but I guess I can't change that. The rest of the dream consisted of running around in a "post apocalyptic" type world where there were only a few survivors. Keeping my brother safe was my only goal and I think I actually started accumulating other orphaned kids that I took care of as well.
I have an idea on what the dream means but I won't go into that (if you ask me, I may tell you) but I just wanted to write it out. I don't want to forget this one.
Sorry for the serious post, but it must happen from time to time. I just want you to know that I faced my own death, and I am proud of the way that I handled it. That is all.