Failure

I woke up today and it seemed like any other day. I had slept a little later than I intended to so I was in my usual rush to get ready. I was pleased, however, when I found a cute green silk dress in my sister's closet and I paired it with my favorite red shoes. I even put my hair up and took extra time with my makeup. Needless to say, I was looking pretty fancy. When I left the house to get in my car, I noticed a homeless man with a shopping cart going from trash can to trash can looking for something he can salvage. Immediately I felt silly in my little silk dress and fancy heels when this man had gray and tattered clothing and a very scruffy beard. I knew he couldn't afford any better and I wondered if he looked at me and thought I was a silly spoiled girl.

I said 'good morning' to the man and he muttered a 'hello' back and he kept on his way, dinning through the trash. After I got in my car I remembered that I had a cup of yogurt in my purse I could give it to him... but I kept driving. A bad feeling in my stomach started getting worse and worse but I couldn't bring myself to offer it, so I drove past him and watched him shrink in my rear view mirror. I immediately started to mentally berate myself and my the time I got to the freeway I had another chance to turn around, but I didn't. Then when I got to the first exit away from mine and there was another chance to turn around. If you're thinking this story ends happily, it doesn't. I didn't turn around.

Feeling horrible, I cried on my way to work, messing up my pretty makeup. I could have helped him. I could have gone back in my house and got him more food that I really don't need, but I didn't. I was given an opportunity and I failed.

I really hope I have another chance to help someone and when that chance comes that I can be brave enough to lend a hand. I feel awful for what I did, or what I did not do.

If you see someone who needs help, please help them. I will try my hardest to do the same.

Not A Nerd, Just Excited

Today is a beautiful day. Not just the fact that it is Friday, but it is actually beautiful. The sun is shining, it's pleasantly warm, the air smells nice, clear blue skies, etc. This morning I woke up late, tangled up in sheets and pillows with a stupid grin on my face. Ariel comes in a few minutes later to pillage my closet once again. With her work schedule, she is usually long gone by the time I even think about waking up but today she was running late as well so I took even longer getting ready. I was having fun just talking with her and stamping around the bathroom while she put on her makeup. At 7:45 (I have to leave by 8 to be on time) I decided it was time to get into the shower. I did my best renditions of  "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by Frankie Valli and "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan as I scrubbed the sleep from my face. I even hear Ariel applauding from the next room.

I'm finally at work but it isn't dragging like most days. I'm pretty excited because I have a marketing conference today (just me, my boss and a vendor). I feel like one of the big shots but I'm really just focusing on trying not to sound/act like a 19 year old during the meeting. So no chewing in the tables for me! No sir, not today.

Also, don't tell anyone else from the office, but I'm leaving work early as well. 'Why?' you ask? I'll tell you. The Hunger Games came out in theaters as of midnight last night and I was unable to attend so Ariel, Michael and I got tickets for a 4:00 showing. I'm. So. Excited. Not to be a super fanatic, but I do have a mockingjay decal on my car and I am wearing a mockingjay pin (covered by a scarf). I also dressed today in a similar style to Katniss (the main character) with a plain black tee, my now dark drown hair, and combat boots that are capable of kicking even the toughest of butts.

Not that I'm a nerd or anything... I'm just excited.

Gym Mouse

Ever since I've moved into my new house I've been working really hard on one thing: making a good schedule. With 8-6ish covered with work and commuting and a decent bed time at 10, that gives me roughly 4 hours to get stuff done/do what I want. I could easily spend 3 of those hours on the computer and the other hour eating and getting ready for bed, but what I've been working on is taking my workout clothes to work with me so I can just stop by the gym after work (I love the fact that my new house is about 5 minutes from my gym instead of the previous 15 minutes).

I've always loved working out, and when I say always I mean since my Junior year in High School when I started taking a weight training class. I loved pushing the limits of what my body could do (not to mention the rippling muscles that came with that). So now that I'm old, (2 years out of HS, baby!) I really want to get back in to working out like I was before.

I'll admit that I'm just starting out and am still too scared to go over to the weights by myself (I go to Gold's Gym and they have a LOT of huge guys there) so until I grow a pair, I'll be over on the treadmill and bike machines trying to get into cardio, which I hate (I'm not exactly a gym rat yet). It was fun last night because I saw my big brother Skylar at the gym and I felt like one of the Cool People for knowing one of the Cool People. I even paused my workout to stop him on a couple lifts. I'm guessing that looked pretty funny to anyone who was watching: A 115 pound girl helping a 200+ pound guy bench about 265lbs. I standing there in my little blue shorts yelling "One more, one more! You got this!" and Skylar is making his workout grunting noises. The last rep takes all this strength (and all of mine) to get up and back to the rack. I love working out with Skylar. :)

I'd really rather be at the gym right now then sitting at a desk all day. I blame this stupid office chair for the squish that's starting to work on my belly. Squish that will soon be obliterated!!!!!

My Senior year in strength training. Those are my trainees right there. <3

Check out those guns!

Courageous Intentions

So the first thing I hear when I come into work this morning is a high pinched beep noise. Nancy calls from down the hall that we have a problem so I rush over there to find that a battery pack for a computer was making that noise. Since she didn't know how to make the noise stop she just shut the door to that room and when she came back to finally unplug the battery, she found the door was locked. After trying every key we had (I even bruised my hip trying to ram it open), I went to go get my gym shorts so I could climb over the wall (there was about a foot of space up there) and unlock it from the other side.

The guys from next door hear all the commotion and come over to help saying they had an equally small guy (my size) who could do it for us. After he climbed through he was able to open the door. I went in there and restarted the battery pack, killing the dreadful noise. All the guys went back to work and Nancy went to make her much needed coffee.

This all happened before 9:00. I think this is going to be a good day. :) 


*I'd like to point out that these are the same guys who catch me doing other stupid stuff like locking my keys in the car, driving over curbs, tinkering around under the hood after work, not being able to lock the front door, setting off the office alarm, etc.


They must think I'm the most incompetent girl in the world, but hey, I was going to climb over that wall myself!

Accomplished, But Not In All Areas

My Weekend:

• Slept in
• Planted a garden
• Lunch with my sister
• Relocated an extra car
• Fixed both my burnt out headlights (by myself)
• Drew 3 pictures of my characters
• Worked out Friday and Saturday
• Dyed my sister's hair
• Was pretty social at church

I must say that was one of the most productive weekends I've had in a very long time. I was excited to get so much done and I figured I would sleep very well on Sunday night but alas, I spend the night wide awake thinking of only the most random of things. I may be able to blame my rock hard bed (I've learned that just because it's cheap, doesn't mean it's good) but it's probably just my brain's fault. 

New and exciting things to come: I'm flying over to South Dakota to visit my oldest sister, Sunny, my favorite brother-in-law, Nate, and my brand new niece, Claire! It will be a nice break from work and I'll be able to see my more distant family (Mom is coming with me too so that will be tons of fun). 

In other not so exciting news: I tried my first attempt in flirting the other day. In my defense, I'd like to point out that I'm really really out of practice. I didn't do it because I thought I'd get a date out of it, but because I was curious if I had any skills at all. The conversation went like this:

Ace Cashier: So, how are you today?

Me, purchasing a lock: Pretty good.

AC: That's good. What are you locking up?

Me: Gym clothes. I'm heading out to the gym and I didn't want to leave them unlocked. 

(Attempting and failing at the card swiper)

AC: Uh, it doesn't tell you, but you have to sign first.

Me: Oh, that sneaky thing! (Did I really just say that?)

AC: Yeah, it pulled a fast one on you. 

Me: ... uh, have a good day.

AC: You too.

I said I attempted, not succeeded. 

My Nerd-dom

I woke up this morning and just laid there for quite a bit of time. It wasn't until my sister came in to swipe some clothes from my closet did I get the strength to get up. We chatted for a few moments about our plans for the day and then I went to look in the mirror. My first thought? "What is the least amount of energy I can put into getting ready to be presentable?" To be honest, I totally skipped the shower and just washed my face and got the little sleep waves out of my hair. I slathered on extra makeup to make up for the lack of cute hair. I'm actually getting pretty good at this, and miraculously, I was at work 10 minutes early today!

I'll admit I haven't been very productive thus far, but I am working on my costume for Comicon!!!!  (Me = anime nerd, in case you didn't know). I haven't completely decided on who I will dress up as, but it's most likely going to be Ai from an anime called Hell Girl. See below-

I'm excited to say that I already have the wig, I know where to get the costume and now I just need to find shoes, socks, and some very red contacts. I'm so very excited!!! But one has to be very careful when cosplaying (click for definition) because you will fall into one of these two categories: Win and Fail. Here are some pictures to illustrate: 

Win:

_________________________________________________

Fail:

I hope I don't ending up looking like the latter people.

Never the less, I will be accomplishing a dream of mine that I've had for some time now. I believe I have until the end of May to be ready, so I think I will also try and sew a costume. This one will be super tough but I'm willing to give it a go... as soon as I get my sewing machine back.

This kimono will be death of me, I just know it.

Hesitant Men

One thing that amuses me greatly is the dynamic between men and women. Last Saturday I got my hair dyed from my normal red color to a very dark brown (pics to follow, maybe). A few people knew my plan but most everyone was surprised by the sudden change in color. I was interested to see who at work would mention anything. As I expected, right when I come in the office the girls say how much they like it and complement my stylist and we chat about salon prices. The guys are a different story.

First they look at you a little longer then usual, no doubt wondering if something is different at all, then they seem like they are about to say something, but no. They are wary from the times they asked a female if they got their hair done and she says she did, two weeks ago and they just never noticed. So initially they are hesitant, and my favorite thing is I can see all this playing across their faces, wordlessly. Once they finally muster the courage to ask,"Did you do something to your hair?" and I answer yes, a look of relief washes over them and they say "looks good" or something to that effect when really they are internally celebrating for getting it right.

I'm pretty sure most of you ladies know what I'm talking about, and so do the men.

I'm sure most of you don't even know what my natural color looks like. :)

Kissing You, Baby

The difference between yesterday and today is quite drastic. Today I am all sunshine and bubbles whereas yesterday I had the hardest time even lifting my arms up I was so depressed. Even though this morning started off shakey (waking up late mixed with lingering feelings from a bad dream and stubbing my toe to top it off), there was one thing that brought my day around to full sunshine: This song.

Yes, I know it isn't even in English but I couldn't help the infectious happiness wash over me. There is something I really like about Korean Pop (or Kpop) and you can make fun of me if you want but I've got this stuff all over my iPod!

After a start like that, I bounced into work, chatting up all my coworkers and joking around the water cooler (literally). I think today is going to be a great day, and I'm sure the fact that it's Friday helps out a lot. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Is It Really That Weird?

With my usual internet perusing, I came across an article on how living alone can make you weird. I thought "let's see what funny things these weirdos do" hoping I would get a good laugh at it. Halfway through the article I realized I did over half the things mentioned (the other half included alcohol). I thought to myself. "well I don't even really live alone" but then again, I spend most of my time by myself (especially since I'm recently single :s ).

To be fair, I'd like to say that there is nothing wrong with being a little weird. If you're alone, you just learn to entertain yourself. Then I wondered, is the stuff I do really that weird? Please comment if you have ever done anything close to the following:

• Sing epic ballads in the shower
• Talk to yourself on a regular basis (sometimes in different accents)
• Examine your pores nightly in a mirror
• Coming home late at night and attempting to cook things
• Never closing the bathroom door
• Talking to your animals
• Never eating a proper meal
• Taking popsicles in the shower with you (seriously, you need to try it)
• Play dress up with stuff in your closet, take pictures, then delete them
• Take every opportunity to not wear pants
• Run and slide across the tile in your socks
• Randomly bust out with kung-foo moves
• Yell at inanimate objects when they don't behave, or if they give you a funny look
• Watch a movie, then spend the next hour fantasizing yourself as one of the characters
• etc.

I will neither confirm or deny that I have done any (or all) of these. What are some weird things you do?

Let's just hope the weirdness doesn't spill over to the times you're in public. Sadly, I'm still working on this.

Babysitting = Birth Control

You should be proud of me. I went to that Institute class last Thursday all by myself. I even sat right in the front row! I actually regretted that later because no one sits in the front row, leaving me all by my lonesome, but luckily there were some nice folks behind me that didn't mind partnering up with me for parts of the class.

This past weekend was a rough one. I went to California with my cousin Jamie to help her and her husband with their three little girls while she ran an 11 mile obstacle race. She's one tough lady! Anyway, her girls are 4, almost 2, and 5 months. A wild bunch, but very cute. After it was all over and the drool and boogers had been washed from my skin and clothes, I was completely wiped! I still am. On top of that I have to start packing up my room and looking for paint because I'm moving this weekend! I'm pretty excited but I'm just realizing how much work it's going to be. I guess it's my own fault for not starting sooner.

I'm hoping that once I move I will have some more interesting stories to tell you... who ever you are...

Much Needed Motivation

So I have 3000 page views. No big deal. I also made $50 extra dollars today for drawing and coloring a picture. Didn't even break a sweat. I also went to the doctor and got awesome news (no, not that kind of news). Basically, today is a very good day. I hope this good luck streak follows through to tonight where I will attempt to attend an LDS Institute class (I never go). I really hope my nerves don't give in and I decide to do something better (ie. watch cat videos online). These past few days have not been good since I'm am recently single. Long story, maybe later.

Anyway I'm glad it's been a decent day and I'm looking forward to this next week where I will be moving out of my Aunt and Uncle's house and into a house with my sister and a few other girls. I think I'm ready to do the independent thing and I'm praying I don't crash and fall on my face when it comes to finances. I better start pumping out new pictures to sell so I can afford toilet paper.

Hmm....I'm tempted.

Starbucks Is Not Just For Coffee Drinkers

This morning I had a doctor appointment to go to at 8, and thinking it would be a half hour wait, then an hour appointment, I told the girls at work I'd be in by 10:30. In reality, I was there probably a total of 6.5 minutes, wait time included. I didn't realize it was just a blood draw so I had the next couple hours of free time. "Endless possibilities!" I said to myself. I decided on Starbucks since it was 20 yards away. I ordered a breakfast sandwich and hot chocolate and sat at a little table and read.

I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it was. It was a pleasant atmosphere smelling of coffee and sweets, music was playing in the background and I knew every song. I sat at my little table for two and read my (zombie) book. There was a pleasant looking man across from me working on his laptop and an older woman having breakfast with her husband to my right. A steady stream of people came through to get their daily fix and hurry off to work. But me? I was sitting there calm as could be, soaking in soft rays of light peeking through the glass. 

Why is it when we are in a hurry time seems to speed by and then when we have all the time in the world the seconds just tick by like molasses? If I could do that every day, I would. It relaxed me completely, I didn't have a care in the world. After my hour of reading, I slowly made my way to work, not even bothering to dart and weave through traffic like I normally do as I rush to work. If only I had the mental ability to wake up early so I had time to get ready slowly. I'm not the kind of person who likes to be rushed.

So now at work I sit here and try and evoke that same content feeling that I had at the coffee shop, but a light bulb just popped so I need to go clean up some glass shards before the clients start coming in. 

Maybe I'll read a book tonight...

Thou Shalt Not Be A Pansy

Confidence. Something that is essential to one's success, I believe. Something that I'm lacking. My goal for this year is to gain confidence, not in a smug "I'm so great" kind of way, but the "I know I can do this" way. I'm sure it would creep out to all corners of my life and help in different areas. One of my friends (who I must say, I have never met) sent me a link to this great site when I was complaining about how hard it was to write a book.  Here is the part I liked best:

1. Thou shalt think like a professional, starting now.
2. Thou shalt begin and keep going till you’re through.
3. Thou shalt take your efforts and desires seriously.
4. Thou shalt call it work.
5. Thou shalt write for yourself, not the market.
6. Thou shalt not wait for visits from the muse.
7. Thou shalt not ask whether you are good enough.
8. Thou shalt not intimidate yourself by comparing your writing with a published and polished work.
9. Thou shalt not worry whether your idea is new enough.
10. Thou shalt not talk your idea away.
11. Thou shalt not self-censor at all during the first draft.
12. Thou shalt not risk writer’s paralysis by looking for the precise word or being afraid of sounding dumb.
13. Thou shalt not believe that if writing is hard, you must be no good.
14. Thou shalt not set yourself up for failure with impossible goals.
15. Thou shalt not believe in writer’s block.

I must say I am thoroughly motivated now. If only they had one of these for self confidence. 

It's February Already??

Guess what today is? No, not just Valentine's Day, it's my Blogger Birthday! It's been a year since my first post, a little over a year since I moved here. I'm proud to say that a lot has changed since my first blog post, including myself, some ways good, some ways... not as good, but better than a year ago.

Since today is the day of love, I just wanted to say how much I love.... writing. It's true, I love it with a fiery passion that no amount of chocolate or any Valentines card can express. I've mentioned my goal to write a book, several in fact, and I'm still working hard at it. The older I get, the more determined I am since I want to be published before I get too old. I always wanted to be like Christopher Paolini or Amelia Atwater-Rhodes who both wrote books while they were still in their youth. Since I'm now closing in on my geriatric years (almost 20!) I figured I needed to step up the pace and get my butt into gear!

Here's to another year of blogging and all that mushy Valentine's Day stuff! I hope you snatch up the love of your life, if you haven't already. Huzzah!

Fancy Is Not My Forte

Since Valentine's Day is on a Tuesday this year, Rich and I thought it would be best to celebrate on Saturday. That morning we went to the Arizona Renaissance Fair (one of my all time favorite things) and I got to stare in awe and envy at all the amazing costumes. Someday I will have a costume of my own.

After I went home and freshened up, Rich took me to where we had our first date: Golf-land. I'm happy to say it didn't have that first date "charm" to it. Afterwards we headed to Scottsdale/Phoenix to go to Bistro 24, a supposedly fancy restaurant, the kind you get reservations for. I was a little nervous because I don't go to fancy places on the regular. I'm more of a "Olive Garden Fancy" which is, you know, not that fancy. Before we left I told him I was okay with going somewhere else, somewhere cheaper. Maybe Cheesecake Factory or even Taco Bell. We took off for Bistro 24 anyway. When we got there we realized it was valet parking only so we parked across the street. I was starting to get nervous and then had a minor breakdown. I told him I couldn't go in there, I felt like an impostor, blah blah, not fancy enough, etc. Then we realized that right behind us in that parking lot was a Cheesecake Factory. I believe it was heaven sent.

I'd like to make note that Rich still gets all the cool points he would have gotten just because he was willing to take me to Bistro 24 and pay whatever it cost. Even though we ended up at a slightly less fancy place, at least it wasn't Olive Garden Fancy.

This Phone Will Die

My brain is fuzzy and it really hurts. It almost feels as if it is inflamed so I keep drinking water which helps for about a minute. I'm about to break this phone if it rings one more time or maybe my head will explode before I have the chance to do that. Two and a half hours of work to go and I may just go insane.

One good thing about today is I have a meeting with a landlord that I may start renting from. It would be in a house with 4 girls, one being my sister. It would be the first time I am independent seeing as I've been living with my Aunt for the past year. She is wonderful and like a mother/best friend to me, but I think it's time I get out of her hair.

On to new things I guess.

Tear-Free Friday

There must be something going on with my hormones because I have been on somewhat of an emotional wreck. I've been reading Catching Fire, the second book to The Hunger Games (I just got emotional while typing the title... I'm defective 0_o). Every time there is a mention of comrade-ery, professions of love, or even simple happy moments, I get this wave of feelings that makes me want to burst into tears. This is not normal. I do not cry often. I would watch some super manly killing/explosions movie to cure me but I've already tried that. I'm still a pansy.   |.\_/.|

For those who like Twilight, or maybe you don't like it but you've read it/watched it, here are a few parodies I have to watch over and over again. I love them! (these don't make me cry)

Twilight

New Moon

Eclipse

Breaking Dawn - Part1

Red-Shoe Rescuer

I'm so thankful that I have a convertible. Last night I was taking Sir Richard to his place when we realized that we had forgot his bike back at work. Fortunately I was able to put the top down and then wedge the bike into my tiny backseat. I'm sure we looking nothing less than ridiculous with a bike sticking way out of my car, flying down the freeway, me wearing my Russian hat and Rich wearing his baby blue helmet. Some nights are just pure fun.

This morning I had another adventure. I was just putting the finishing touches on my makeup when my Aunt Becky comes in and tells me my Uncle John ran out of gas on the freeway and she still had a couple piano lessons to teach. I quickly got dressed and headed out to fill my gas can (which I bought a while ago because I have run out of gas many times). 

I cannot tell you how good it felt to be the rescuer, not the rescue-ee. It's nice not being the damsel in distress from time to time. I pulled over on the side of the freeway and made my way over to John's car, gas can in hand, hair blowing in the wind, red high heels blazing. 

I felt so cool.

Now I'm just back to normal Haley, sitting at my desk at the office, waiting for the next distress signal so I can throw on my cape and go save the day.

Wait To Respawn

After an eventful weekend I end up, once again, with zero pictures. I'm starting to see a pattern here.

I was able to take a quick road trip down (over, up?) to Tucson, AZ to visit Richard's mother and sister who recently had a baby. The drive was super fun and surprisingly quick. I don't think Tucson is a very noteworthy place to visit but I did have fun hanging out with all the kids there. After "Uncle Richie" and I took the three older kids to the MacDonald's play place for the afternoon, I was happy, tired, and firm in my resolve to wait to have children.

To be honest, I haven't been in a writing mood for a while. Work seems to suck the creativity out of me. I need to get into school. :S

I Dream Of... Elves?

What happens when your dreams spill into reality? When you look at someone and remember something that happened earlier but then you can't remember if it was a dream or it really happened, that's what has been plaguing my mind for weeks now. I've learned it safest not to say "remember that time when..." and then get the odd look from someone when they tell me that never happened. So please pardon me if I can't remember what we did or talked about.

Unfortunately, I have not been in a writing mood, but I do feel the urge to be artistic. I'm working on a picture as we speak and I'd like to show it to all y'all. I also have clay at home so I decided this weekend will be dedicated to sculpting!

Okay, picture is finished!! Just a quick color overlay in Photoshop.