"The Office" At The Office

Today we are having an having a birthday party at the office. The theme? The Office. Yes, that wonderfully witty show about the daily life as an office worker. Not all of you may know it, not all of you like it, but I happen to love it and so does the birthday boy here. For a card, we gave him a sheet of paper with a bland congratulation on his birth, everyone signed it with funny office quotes, and then we rubber banded it to a ream of paper.

He got a kick out of that.

I could probably go though and say which people at work resemble specific cast members of The Office, but that has potential to be very cruel and get me in trouble since the show depicts a plethora of quirky characters.

Even so, I decided I would be most like Pam, the receptionist in the older seasons, or Erin, the receptionist in the newer ones. I guess either way, I was probably born with the receptionist personality (which is my job, for those of you who don't know). There is no escaping it. My sister and I also decided my she would be Stanley, the sassy black man who likes his space and crossword puzzles, and her boyfriend would be Jim due to the fact that everyone likes him.

I Wasn't Smiling

I am one messed up puppy. I've mentioned before that I've struggled with depression since the dawning of time, or rather, since I was about 12. It comes in waves so it's not a 24/7 thing but this week it's been pretty bad. The saddest part is I almost have no real reason to be sad and it's so frustrating to me!

On Saturday I went to the theatrical play, Bye Bye Birdie, with Adam and we had a great time, but even throughout, I could tell I was having a hard time staying happy. It was like happiness was a pile of sand in my hands and even though I was holding it, I could feel it slowly slipping through my fingers. It gives me this panicky feeling, like the only candle in a dark room is slowly flickering out and I know the inevitable darkness will soon overtake me.

So when the night was ending and it was time for Adam to go home, I knew I was going to lose it. This is kind of personal, and I'm not really sure why I'm sharing this, but as I tried to smile and say goodbye, I could feel my mouth twitching down and my eyes start to water. All ability to make a coherent sentence went out the window and I couldn't hide any emotion anymore.

Adam handled the situation gracefully (that man has so much patience with me) and I was so mad at myself for being so upset for no reason. My father always reminded me that being logical was usually the best way to react and that being emotional was pointless, and here I was being pointlessly emotional.

The next day was almost as bad, but after church was over, I was able to get myself back in control. After a particularly good lesson on not judging others, I went into the bathroom. The place was empty so I gazed at myself in the mirror and thought, there's something wrong with my face. I stared longer till I realized what was wrong: I wasn't smiling. So I stood there till my smile started to form back on my face. I looked 50x better than I had when I first walked in, looking like some tragic story. I started to feel better too.

The rest of the day I tried to keep that smile on and let me tell you, the saying "fake it till you make it" is one of the truest mottoes out there. By the end of that day I was so happy and back to my normal self.

I really don't know why I'm sharing this, maybe I'll just look back on it later when I really need it. Maybe I just need to write about my feelings so they don't get so bottled up.

Either way, happy day to you and you.

In Other News...

It's been three weeks since I got out of the hospital [read why here] and my body is finally getting back to normal. I'm finishing up the last of my antibiotics and all side symptoms are nearly obsolete. Sometimes I think we take our bodies for granted but we (I) need to realize that we only get one body so we should take care of it the best way we can. Some people don't have fully functioning bodies so little things like walking, running, and lifting things are a big deal.

I decided I'm going to try harder to take care of my body (I say this after I gorged myself on sugar yesterday) and by that I mean working out at least three times a week, limiting my sugar intake, adding more fresh fruits and veggies to my diet, and eating smaller portions. Yeah, that seems kind of overwhelming when it's all laid out like that but I'm going to work on it bit by bit.

In other news, I'm getting married. Just kidding. Ha-ha. I'm not getting married (weeps in corner). 

In real other news: 

• School starts for me in a couple weeks (I'm taking a fiction writing class) 
• I'm going to Hale theater tomorrow for a play (I'm so cultured)
• I've decided to stop dying my hair (let's see how long this lasts)
• My cool, Asian, sister-in-law is going to be having a baby in the next couple weeks (a boy)
• Adam is the manliest (cutest) thing on the face of the planet (true story)
• I am realizing my addiction to sticky notes (see below picture)
• Collins, the one-eyed stray cat, is back at our house (he's so cute and... matted)

Only a portion of the stickies that adorn my desk.

A Cowboy In My Kitchen

If asked what kind of music I like, the most common answer you will hear is "anything but country". Although some of you may gasp at that and tell me how great it is, some with nod their heads in fervent agreement.

After last night, if asked the same question, I would probably answer along the lines of "I really could listen to, and appreciate anything." This change in perspective comes from my bout with country swing dance last night. Adam, his friend Justin, and I went to a place... I really don't remember the name, and took some swing lessons and then danced for the next three hours to all sorts of country songs. I had so much fun! After a while the music started to grow on me and it was perfect for a fun, upbeat atmosphere (not to mention the fact that Adam sings along with all the songs).

Despite all the festivities, half-way through the night I had to stop for a while because my medication (along with all the spins, dips, and flips) made me pretty dizzy. After I recovered, it was back to throwing me around (a little more gentle this time).

After three hours of country music, and a very attractive dance partner, I'd have to say I'm hooked on country swing (and somethin' else).

Week Of (Attempted) Fashion 17

This post is a few weeks late. I blame it mostly on all the hospital stuff and the fact that I couldn't get any of the pictures off my phone. These outfits aren't even in order, because one can't be expected to keep track of the days with so much going on. Never the less, here are some of the outfits I threw together. 

Still Alive... Kinda

I've been on blogger almost every day but I've posted nothing because I don't know what to say. This has been a very long month so far. It started out with my hospital trip and moved to harsh work deadlines, a last minute baby shower, another trip to urgent care, bills bigger than I would like to admit, and enough tears to fill my tub.

I am currently on another antibiotic because the first one knocked out all my good tummy bacteria and made me get pretty darn sick. I believe I am rounding the corner and almost fully healed, which takes a little stress off my shoulders. Sometimes I feel very empty and very lost. Thankfully, to counter all the downs that have been happening this month, there have been enough perfect moments and rays of sunshine to help me keep my head on straight and not die from stress.

These little sunshine moments are what make life great. Now all I need to do is remember them when all the clouds decide to dump on me at the same time.

Body, Don't Defy Me

Sooo I'm sick again. I'm really not happy with my body at the moment. Usually, I can go almost a whole year and only get a tiny little cold, but now in the past two weeks I've missed about 4.5 days due to being sick. Whatever this is, it better hurry up and get gone!

The only good that came out of this is I got to spend some time catching up on my sleep and Adam was there to take care of me in the evenings. Remind me to pamper him an obscene amount when he gets sick.

We had a blast yesterday. He came over in the happiest of moods which made me feel 87% better and we spent the evening watching Malcolm in the Middle (a very funny show anyone with a crazy family would appreciate) and trying a pre-made lemon meringue pie I threw together (you put the canned goo in the pie crust). The meringue part never came into existence because it's harder than heck to make and besides, the pie didn't even taste very good. In the end we decided to destroy it with fork jabbing and then Adam stuck his hands in it and played with the lemony goop. We are so mature sometimes.

Now I'm at work, trying to keep the nausea and stomach pain at bay. I've eaten 6 whole crackers today and if I'm feeling wild, I may have a couple more.

From Sweetheart To Puppy-Puncher

Life can be really good sometimes and despite a few setbacks, last night was pretty amazing. After work I went over to Adam's house to make dinner for his family. We decided on a pepperoni pizza that we had made before which turned out wonderfully. His little sisters helped us put the pizza together while we listened to oldies music and tried not to make too big of a mess.

After dinner we went for a late night swim and it was oh-so romantic. I know a guy who once told me that romance wasn't real (for guys) and girls are just delusional, but Adam is proving to me every day that it is real and being romantic is something he loves doing with me. We make cookies together and dance in the kitchen to big band music like Glen Miller. He makes up songs on his guitar and sings to me about anything that pops into his mind. He keeps my hands warm when I get cold (which amazingly does happen to me in Arizona) and he reads books out loud to me. He fixes broken things in my house grows out his beard when I ask him too. If that isn't romance, I don't know what is.

I would apologize for this mushy gushy post, but I don't want to because I'm happy. I hope things stay this way, and even though we still come across hard times and have our fair share problems, I don't mind as long as he's right next to me.

Yikes... I don't think I've ever written anything so mushy in my entire life, especially not publicly. Just so you don't think I've gone soft, I'll have you know that I punched three babies and a good amount of puppies today. Yeah, that's right. Little fluffy puppies. I also now own a leather biker's jacket (Adam's old one) that makes me look so fierce you'll wet yourself. Made from real cows. Cute ones. I also put the seat up after I went to the bathroom just to be a jerk. <- This is a lie.

Hopefully that sounds more like me and makes up for the sappy stuff. I should be balanced out about now.

I Need To Go, Create

Time seems  to be flying by, but at the same time, not moving at all. I'm going to be starting school soon which is exciting for me, even though it may just end up being one night class. Other than that, I feel as if my life has hit a comfortable routine, strapped down and going along for the ride. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but right now I want nothing more than to pack a small bag and fly to a tropical beach and just walk around.

I think I just want to see something beautiful, which is a hard thing to see in Arizona. Sometimes this place does surprise me and I can find the beauty in the setting sun or a dark night with a thunderstorm going on. I think being in an office all day had really hurt my creativity so I want to get out of here so bad and just walk slowly to my car and take in what the world has to offer. I need to take time this weekend and be outside
(in a pool because there is no other way to be outside comfortably), maybe even paint a picture.

There is a need to create, a need to travel, and a need to rest.

Soon I will be able to recharge my batteries, but for now, I'll just look at beautiful pictures and dream of adventures that may or may not ever happen.

Week Of (Attempted) Fashion 16

So this week is super lame/late but I have a great excuse, having been in the hospital most of the week where my fashion consisted mostly of open ended cotton gowns and my boyfriend's sweats and hoodie. Boy, was I a looker. I am making up for it today, I'll have you know, with a little something I got from an online store that one of my coworkers found. Basically, the conversation went like this:

Chantal: I found a dress you have to buy online.
Me: Why do I have to?
Chantal: Because they don't have it in my size, so you need it.
Me:.... okay.

So I buy it, and thankfully I actually like how it fits on me. I did have to get some new nude pumps for it though, which was something I was looking for anyway. Nude pumps... that sounds like something we shouldn't mention in casual conversation.

Attack Of The Killer Ant: A Hospital Story

If you are my friend on Facebook, it's likely you saw that I was in the hospital recently. During my stay, my mom told me to look on the bright side: at least I'll have something to blog about. And she was right, a very expensive reason, but now that it's all over I can't really go back in time and change what happened.

Trying to be optimistic. 

On Saturday I was preparing to go tubing down the Salt River with Adam, Ariel, and Joey. As we were packing the car I must have aggravated an ant line because I was promptly bit on the foot twice. All I thought at the time was "darn, that's going to itch later." After we returned home after almost getting a storm dumped on our faces at the river, I noted that my foot looked a little puffy on top, but I ignored it since I react weird to most bug bites.

Sunday morning it was bad news. My foot had swollen much more and I was having a hard time fitting my foot into my heels. After chalking it up to an allergic reaction, I took a full dose of benadryl and went to Adam's ward to hear him sing in church (he did amazing by the way). We left church early because my foot was getting worse and the benadryl wasn't doing anything to me. I took another full dose, and then another a few hours later. I fell asleep while teaching Adam how to play Warcraft and kept sleeping till the benadryl wore off. Still no improvement, so Adam wanted to take me to Urgent Care, but by the time I agreed to go, they were closed. We decided Adam decided we would go first thing in the morning and that he would take my car home since I couldn't drive. He waited with me till I fell asleep, checking on my foot to see if it got better from time to time. He tried to leave later that night but for some reason, my car wouldn't shift into drive, so after several failed attempts, he crashed on the couch with my little brother.

The next morning it was no better and probably getting worse. The swelling was moving up my ankle so after blowing off my attempts to put it off a little longer, Adam threw me in the car and took me to Urgent Care where, after examining me for 4 minutes tops, we were told to go straight to the ER.  I'm getting frustrated at this point because all I can think of is how much money this is all going to end up being, and Adam is getting frustrated with me because I won't go without a fight.

Fat feet... bleh.

At the ER, they decide to admit me to the hospital, so they stuff an IV in me and poke me several times till they find good enough spots to get blood for some tests. Halfway through the blood draw, I get a slight nauseous/dizzy feeling and I turn to Adam and say "Just so you know, I may pass out in a minute." And sure enough, things start going black and Adam comes and grabs me before I topple out of the chair.

Waiting to be moved into my new room. 

Glad I showered today. 

Once I was in my room, I was visited by a plethora of doctors and three specialists, who all gave me weird looks once they notice the twitch/spasm I developed in my leg. I was also visited by my dear family, a couple of which got to stay around for when I was hopped up on Hydrocodone. I don't remember a lot of it but it was fun, that's for sure. I remember staring at the wall, which had become extremely interesting, with a wide eyed expression. Adam told me that when he asked me if I wanted to take a nap till it wore off that I said no, I wanted to ride this as long as I could. Sounds like something I would say. 

An infections specialist thought that I might have tetanus so they decided to move me to the ICU for observation. There I was forced into a hospital gown, had sensors stuck on me, and I couldn't pee without buzzing the nurse and having her unhook me from all my wires and contraptions. 

That night in the ICU was one of the worst because they kept coming in at all night to take my vitals, draw more blood, and have more doctors look at me. Poor Adam stayed the whole night and slept in a recliner next to my bed. The room was an icebox and I don't think we got more than 3 hours of sleep. 

Adam crashed out with his head on the bed.

So glad he stayed with me. 

The next day I had an EEG, where they attach a bunch of electrodes to my head and read my brain waves to see if the twitching was caused by seizures which looked a little something like this:

They then asked me to hyperventilate myself which is when the twitching came back full force and then they flashed lights in my eyes really fast to see if that would give me a seizure. Thanks guys.

After the test I had a bunch of goupy stuff in my hair and had to wait a while to be able to take a shower. When I finally could shower, it was one of the best feelings of my life. (I just want to add that I am a very independent person and this whole hospital trip was killing me because I couldn't even walk, pee, or get dressed without help). 

I also had an MRI test (I can feel the money racking up now) to further explore the seizure probability. This one was extremely claustrophobic and Adam had to hold my ankle to keep me from freaking out and squirming. The machine looks like this:

Both tests turned out to be clear, which is good. All the doctors at this point still had no idea what was going on with me but after several bags of antibiotics and 16 tetanus shots, my foot was starting to go back to it's normal size. So then the waiting game started. I felt I was well enough to leave but I just had to finish two more bags of antibiotics and get the o.k. from the doctor to go. At this point I was going a little crazy to get out of there.

Adam, decorating my room.

Planning my escape out the window. No one can hold the Batman. 

After one more night of restless sleep and nurses coming in the dead of night to steal more blood, I woke on Wednesday morning and received the O.K. to go. I couldn't have been happier. We got out of there as fast as we could and then went to a celebration breakfast at Denny's (I had only eaten a sandwich and soup since I entered the hospital). 

Now that I'm out of the hospital and back at work, there are a few thing I learned/remembered:

• I am super lucky to be able to walk/breath/function and I am so grateful for the body my Heavenly Father gave me.
• I can be extremely stubborn and strong willed, and that can be a bad thing sometimes. It's okay to accept help. 
• Adam is the best man in the world (besides Dad). He stayed with me the whole time, even when I was make up-less, unshowered, and belligerent.
• My parents love me a lot. Mom was threatening to fly down to Arizona and Dad harassed several nurses trying to get information about my health from them. 
•  Money doesn't matter. The first time I cried in the hospital is when I thought about how much all this was going to cost me (remember, I didn't even want to go to Urgent Care) but Adam and my parents kept reminding me how much more valuable my health is. (The only other time I cried is when they gave me 5 tetanus shots in my foot.)

Anyway, there is my story. Now it's time to get back to the real world and catch up on all my work and make sure I don't get bit by another ant.